Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
