Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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