i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
