I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
