Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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