Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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