Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
