sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
there is puke in my bra ... again
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
