I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
