hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
