we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
only you would photoshop your dick
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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