Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
