I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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