I hate your face
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize