he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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