Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
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