ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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