I am puke
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
