Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
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