I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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