I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
