I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
