I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
