I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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