Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
