She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
