cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize