So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
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