Me. At least after what I've been through.
this beer tastes like vomit already
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Randomize