He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
