our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
