He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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