I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
