so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
