The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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