Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
