my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Its about making memories worth repressing
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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