I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
