If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
