Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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