I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
