I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
