Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
