I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
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