I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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