Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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