He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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