Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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