Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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