she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
drinking out of a sandbucket again
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
