just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize