so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
