I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
