it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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