weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
