Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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