Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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