Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
worst night to have a conscience
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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