Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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