some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
