if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
