i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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