I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
