Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
