and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
