just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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