i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize