I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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