Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
