this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
