Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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