is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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