dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
