You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
