It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
