Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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