The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm always down for nudity.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
