Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
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