At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
