I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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