I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
