this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
