I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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