shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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