so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
