If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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