i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
where are my eyebrows?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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