can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
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