Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
