I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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