You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
