Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Drake has all the answers
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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