We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
