im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize