I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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