you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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