I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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