just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
