if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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