Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize