Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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