Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
