What a fucking waste of an outfit
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
