Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
