I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Damn victory sex feels great
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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