Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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